Merry Christmas 2007

Casual Day/Xmas Lunch

It is civies day since we are having the office Xmas lunch---Having
gathered my outfit for this day last night and putting it thru the wash
cycle, I discover that my shirt didnt fit--rather, it was puckered as if
washed in alum and lemon juice, and taken on the appearance of having been in
the bottom of my closet instead of on a hangar. I immediately went into
Tourettes mode, let go of a few choice words while simultaneously pretending
I was Hulk Hogan as I ripped it from my torso. I went to the bedroom careful
not to wake my wife (this was a special sleep in day for her as the kids are
dismissed from school for the Holidays) and promptly retrieved another from
the floor of my closet. It did not fit nor! did it match but everything else
is in the laundry room--piled on the floor--and dirty.

My belt-the one I carefully rolled up last night and put inside my shoe so I
wouldn't lose it--I lost it. I made too much noise in trying to find it as my
bride was awoken from her "sleep in" slumber.
Big mistake.
I had rather tangle with a cobra snake than to wake up Household 6. As of
this writing I no not what pennance I will pay for this error in judgement,
but am not sure my groin can stand it.

The gas light came on when I cranked the car--typical. So off to the shell
Station to get gas. I got gas just a week ago and left the nozzle in the tank
and drove off with it. Lucky the fuel hoses have quick releases, purposely
designed with Retards like me in mind. At any rate, I overfilled my gas tank
trying to stop on a amount divisible by five or ten. You know, stopping on
like 35 dollars and 50 cents....so it went like this! --34,36,39,41.
48,49,51...98, 99 01. I couldn't get it to stop on a 5 or 10 had my life depended on it.

The end result---left a dollars worth of regular unleaded down the side of my
car and on ground, gathering around my penny loafers. At this time I realized
that this was he same exact pump i drove off from last week with the fuel
nozzle still in the tank . Being true to ones self--- about this time I would have cussed a blue streak, but inasmuch as it is the holiday season, I took a cleansing
breath--no amount of profanity would undo my morning so far that was
southbound like a snow ball bound for hell.

Wal Mart.
Hallowed is its name.
Open 24 hours a day. I went in and purchased a belt for middle aged
fat man. I picked one that didn't have a price tag on it. I went back to the
belts and found the price tag. Actually, the same belts didn't have the price
so I got the price off the belt that closely resembled mine and went back to
the cashier and told him. I Should have went to the diaper aisle bought some
depends undergarments instead, because the only thing I hadnt done yet was
piss in my pants.

The belt- size 42--needed size 36. I Still have to pull my pants up.

Now I am on the interstate, driving to work---am listening to xmas music
trying to be "effing" merry but knowing the traffic
that is ten minutes away and the white elephant gift I have'nt wrapped and the
two meetings that await me I can only hope for a speeding ticket and a
scorching case of hemmorhoids to make it a perfect morning.

By the way, Boss---am gonna be thirty minutes late.

Keep a good thought.

George L. Fisher


"Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to
prayer."

Mark Twain

WRIGLEY!!!

I MADE IT!

Thank you, Lord. There will be a little something extra for you in the offering plate this Sunday.

Bleacher Bums, Ivy, Old Style (4 of them) and actually saw George Will the columnist. Swear.

Not to brag, but I also went to a White Sox game and aBears exhibition game. 3 Sporting events in one week, topped off by a marvelous dinner at Mike Ditkas restaurant. Try the pot roast, it will make you hunch.

This may have been the greatest trip of my entire life.

Knucksie & Mans Best Friend-Then and Now

Mans best friend and I attended a baseball game last Saturday night and I thought it would be a good idea if we had our photo made in front of Phil Niekros statue--(Phil Niekro is my favorite Pitcher of all time) We had a picture made there about ten years ago, but then I could pick Joe up and carry him everywhere. I didn't have to pick him up this time. The Braves got the stem winding dog mess beat out of them by the Diamondbacks, but no matter. It is a wonderful thing to go to a baseball game with your son. I think the book of Deuteronomy addresses it in the bible. And of course everything is better with Mans best Friend. I could even eat liver if Joe was with me. Looking at the photos make me wonder where all the time went...in ten years I hope he will still want to get his picture made with me with Phil.

I wish I could take him to Chicago with me next week.

Tired and out of gas

I read my magazine and took a nap today. Naps are a wonderful thing and I take one about every equinox. This is what I aspire to when I grow up or retire--nap.

9 Days and counting...

My quest for tickets to any of the Cubs/Brewers series the week I go to Chicago has been resolved. After having gone onto the Cubs website and clicking and pointing for no less than 578 times to find available seating, i then found an 800 number to call and purchase tickets. Even that was painful and the seats are 4 different rows and one behind the other-not that it matters. I received the tickets to the game on the 28th in the mail and now have them in my greedy little palm.

The standings today show the Cubs and Brewers both tied for first in their division, so these games will be important.

I totally forgot there's another team in Chicago called the White Sox, so we have adjusted our flight schedules so we can catch the 1:05 pm game on Monday. Haven't gotten tickets yet but will order this week. The Sox are not even close to being in a pennant race so tickets should be an easy find.

In the meantime I am also doing research on the good places to eat and drink in Chicago. I plan on giving my lower gastrointestinal tract a severe workout.

Only one thing potentially hangs in the balance, and that's Hurricane Dean.

Reading in bed...is it possible?

I don't know why I attempt to read in bed. Most times I am unsuccessful at anything if my body reclines past 60 degrees except snoring. But as is with most of us, the only time I can think about doing some reading is when I hit the sack. Not that I don't already have two bookcases filled to the max, but my bedside table now has several tasty titles--The History of American Beer, The Reagan Diaries, The Baseball Encyclopedia, Zemkes Wolfpack, Paula Deens autobiography, and several others....Its pretty pathetic. I rolled over the other night after having gotten sleepy from my reading only to see this "Mount Everest" on my nightstand, capturing the image with my cell phone camera for posterity.