Honey Boo-Boo is a Crock of Poo-Poo!

I never heard of Honey Boo Boo until this week. I had heard of the television show “Toddlers and Tiaras”, and in all my channel surfing had seen the commercials for it, which always disturbed me and left me with throw up in my mouth.


The Honey Boo Boo Child, as she calls herself, now is a spin off reality series. It greatly disturbs me on several levels. I have seen some of the YouTube videos. The first level is to cut a switch and stripe that younguns legs--which she probably deserves—there’s never been a kid born yet that didn’t deserve a switch at least once---but after more consideration it seems perhaps the second and more fitting level is to take a Taser to her Parents, followed by a several days long session of water boarding. If the Department of Family and Children services EVER had a need to justify their existence, this would be it.

We could make the entire scenario a bit more apropos by waiting until the Perry State Fair comes to town and we can put her down there right next to the snake with 3 heads exhibit....bless her heart...ahem.

I’m not sure that Ms. Boo Boo is old enough to know what kind of brainwashing she has undergone. If my Father had lived to see such a debacle, he would have enforced his “No Child Left with a Behind” policy on that kid. And she would have had to cut her own switch, too. I am certain that giving Boo Boo Child Mountain Dew mixed with an energy drink makes her a blessed little angel. Maybe, after she gets juiced up, we give her the Taser and she can unleash on her parents.

I shouldn’t even get into this, but the child isn’t even remotely cute. I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that we can blame the Mom for that as well. I am not one to talk, and I certainly am not befitting of a “horseshoe of roses”, if you catch my drift, but most human beings know that one can’t help oneself when one is ugly. But it is what it is, and you just have to live with it. I know firsthand that a good sense of humor is a good thing to have when not “cursed” with good looks. Perhaps, and again I’m out on that limb, the Boo Boo Family is working towards that end.

Admittedly, I haven’t seen much of the Boo Boo Daddy. I have seen Boo Boo Momma, and her antics are a testament to wife beating. Her other hobby besides abusing her Boo Boo Child is extreme couponing, so she has eleventy kajillion hundred rolls of toilet paper in her house. I guess the other TV show “Hoarders” can schedule some time with her.

It has already adversely affected me. For example, I was listening to Jimi Hendrix sing Voodoo Child on my iPod, and already I have changed it to “Boo Boo Child, Boo Boo Child, Lord knows I’m a Boo Boo child…..”

The TLC network (and you do know that TLC stands for “The Learning Channel”, right?) is shameless in their pursuit of viewer ratings. They have an entire schedule of train wrecks on their network, and this is only the latest. It could be scripted, as one of my relatives informed me. That may be true, and I would submit to you that Romeo and Juliet was scripted too, and it ended up with two dead teenagers. What really chaps what little bit of buttocks I have though, is specifically placing the other 639 residents of McIntyre, Georgia, and all of us Georgians—in fact, Southerners-- in a bad light---reinforcing already jacked up Hollywood stereotypes-(I mean, how many movies actually have someone speaking correct Southern?). That, in my humble opinion, warrants an ass kicking all its own. Let me cut their switch, please.

And so now beloved, we have for the world to see, Miss Boo Boo speak her dialect—It isn’t English, and it sure ain’t Southern English, either. It is more of a "Boo Boo coupon lady uneducated jacked up on mountain dew and throw some ghetto in for flavor flav" language which best I can tell, involves only the Boo Boo clan, and not the rest of the residents of McIntyre, Ga, who have to work for their money, not prostitute their kids out for the world to see.

There’s not a snowballs chance in you know where that this story is going to have a happy ending. I had rather see the commercials about pre-lubricated catheters than to watch The Miscreant Adventures of Boo Boo Child.

It is, as one wise philosopher said, “A crock of excrement, and it stinketh.”