Happy Birthday to my Grandma, Rennie Amanda Tucker Fisher

 

 

Once upon a time, way back on December 3rd, 1904, in the small hamlet of Funston, a community just a stones throw from Moultrie, Georgia, the Reverend Ansel P. Tucker, pastor of Bridge Creek Baptist Church, awaited the birth of his  seventh of eight children. His Wife -Mary Josephine (Sellers), sometime during this day delivered the new daughter by traditional means--at home. She would be named Rennie Amanda.

Rennie Amanda Tucker grew up, raised in a fine southern Baptist home, and one day while on the streets of Moultrie, walked by a man (she had never seen before) who loudly proclaimed to the other fellows he was standing with, "I'm going to marry that girl one day.." She immediately thought him crazy (He was, but that's another story).

It just so happened that the crazy mans prediction was spot on. Rennie Amanda and this crazy man (his name was George ) got married, and just a couple of years later gave birth to a son. The son grew up, got married, and his wife bore him three kids, one of whom would be named "George". 

He was referred to as "Little George" so as to distinguish himself from his Grandfather. Little George was born premature, and spent some time in an incubator. Rennie, the new Grandmother, held vigil outside the maternity ward there at the hospital in Albany, Georgia, and one day another lady, peering into the nursery, commented within earshot of new Grandmother Rennie that the one little baby looked like a "wet rat"---an accurate description if the truth be told--and while there are no witnesses to what transpired immediately afterwards, the Fisher family legend has recorded this incident as possibly the only time in her entire life that new Grandmother Rennie may have forgotten she was a preachers daughter and a fine Southern Christian lady. Her Son later said "That's as close as I ever came to seeing My Momma whip someone's ass!"
 

Little George absolutely worshipped his new Grandmother Rennie, who by now was just called "Grandma"...Little George spent nearly every weekend of his young life at her house, loving every minute of his time there. Upon seeing his parents car pull into the driveway to take him back home, he would cry. He sooned learned, however, that when he became too sick to go to school, he would be sent usually to two places--the doctor’s office and his Grandmas--so George was sick----a lot. His parents KNEW, as little George did, that he would get well faster at Grandmas house. There was something in the water. On one occasion, Little George contracted the mumps and each time his jaws began to hurt he would run into his Grandmas arms so she could hug the pain away.

It worked.

So did the fried chicken she made him, and the pound cakes, where he was allowed to lick the spoon--because he was a wormy little kid who would have lived off of bread and milk if left to his own devices, and wormy little kids should naturally be allowed to lick the spoon—unless, of course, they were sick from the measles, and Grandma just “happened” to show up with an entire bowlful of batter.

As time passed, Little George stopped being a sickly little runt, and became a ‘mostly’ normal young man. He still visited his Grandmas house often, and even took his dates there before taking them home to meet his own parents.

Eventually, his Grandma passed away. Little George, by now not so little anymore, felt as though his best friend in the world had died. In fact, she had.

George eventually came to understand that precious memories, like that song goes, linger. One day George would get married and have a little girl. He would give her his Grandmas’ middle name, Amanda.

George still thinks about his Grandma twice a day. When he is awake and when he is asleep. He thinks about her so much that even TODAY, her BIRTHDAY, won’t be much different than yesterday or tomorrow.

George is even a grandparent himself, even though everyone knows he isn’t nearly old enough for that type of job. He hopes to be just half as good a Grandpa as he had a Grandma. He thinks his Grandma would be pleased to know that he learned from the best.

 

 

THE PICTURE........

Back in 2006 when I returned from Iraq, I was fortunate enough to have a life defining moment in the Life of George captured not only for my Family, but quite possibly for the ages. I will preface it all by saying it has nothing to do with me in the grand scheme, but as it happens for once in my life I happened to be in the right place at the right time. IT.....the photograph...got splattered all over creation, and since 2006 has even had some recurrences through social media, most recently this past Sunday morning while chilling with Wifey. The Veterans Site on Facebook posted the picture and next thing you know there are 75,000 likes, 7,968 shares, and 1,709 comments.

The picture is referred to as "Amanda's butt picture" at our house, because, well, as you can see, there it is....meanwhile, son Joe and my little Lyndsay obscured by the full moon.

In ten years, the picture has taken a life of its own, with many assuming that is the "Wife and Kids", that the Soldier got in trouble, punished, etc., which isn't the case. A small percentage of the comments were negative, citing lack of discipline, breaking the "rules", and all of that. The truth is that my Wife tried harnessing the kids, but it was not to be. They stormed the bastille. IT was nothing more than kids missing their Daddy. It was spontaneous, it happened, and when I take my last breath that's what I am going to see.

I go back to my journal entry from May, 2006:

What ACTUALLY happened—At the conclusion of the Generals’ comments—  he said “That’s all I have…”

At precisely that moment, these three kids— all of whom belong to me—BOLTED from the confines of the throng of families and distinguished guests, as if they had been shot out of a cannon.

In a flash I could see all three—eyes wide open, with grins on their faces as big as mine—hauling ass toward me—Joe, followed by Lyndsay, followed by Amanda…I attempted to wave them off but in that fraction of a second I had to decide what was more important—wave them off or prepare for the impending train wreck. Their combined weight exceeded mine by a good hundred pounds and had I not braced myself accordingly, I may have been a casualty right there on the parade field.

I heard someone in the rank behind me say “Here they come” and that’s when I got it full blast—-WHUMP….WHUMP……WHUMP….as each of my kids plowed into me-Joe having launched himself in the air a good eight feet prior….

I had my arms full of Fisher kids, and all we could do was cry…

I may have even told them to go back into the stands until the Army song was finished..IT was all a blur and If I had only one word to describe it:
Indescribable.

Long Story a tad longer—The news media saw my little heathens break ranks and followed suit, the end result of which--- the defining moment of my career-- captured in pictures and splattered on the front pages of several newspapers—even in my Grandfathers hometown of Moultrie, Georgia.

The family and I all drove home, where the neighbors had hung a “WELCOME HOME GEORGE” banner across the front porch and the front yard was festooned with 145 American Flags—my cup runneth over.

The next afternoon I was lying on my back deck in the hammock looking at the bluest sky I ever saw, contrasted by the wonderful green grass and trees of Middle Georgia. This was unreal. I must have died and went to heaven—-and If I only had one word to describe how it felt: Indescribable.

I glanced down at my watch and noticed I still had it set 9 hours ahead—Iraqi time.

I pulled the stem out and reset my watch. In the background I could hear Sue knocking around in the kitchen preparing supper. I felt my eyelids getting heavy and drifted off to sleep.

I was home.

NO RIFLEMAN??? BARBARIANS!!

Dear AMC;
I like your network. A lot. It is saved to my 'favorites'....for what its worth, AMC is a big part of my weekends-- here's why:
1) awake NLT 0700
2) take a whiz
3) go downstairs and get coffee started
4) tune in to AMC in HD
5) ease into my morning with back to back episodes of "The Rifleman" (pow,pow,pow,pow,pow,pow,pow,pow,pow,pow) starring Chuck Connors.......

Imagine my chagrin when I tuned in this morning and Children of the Corn was on... Chagrin in this context is interchangeable with profanity. Thus, I completed steps 1-4, and as a result of my incompleteness, I am not content. It is of little wonder that while shopping with Wifey later on this day I got a buggy with a bad wheel. I also dropped the sauerkraut (having brats for supper) in the driveway when unloading the car. I am incomplete, AMC, and I have you to thank for it. You and those damn kids in the corn.
George Fisher

THE POTTAMUS IS SEVEN!

Dear Pottamus Rex;

 ARE YOU SEVEN YEARS OLD! Holy Cow!

 You have had a great year, pal…you have graduated from Kindergarten to First Grade! You’re having difficulty with lunch, though, and I don't blame you seeing as how your Momma keeps filling your lunch box with wheat bread, carrots and stuff --I mean, seriously? There's a time and place for that kind of food, but it’s not in the school lunch box. You can tell Mom that's in the Bible—(Deuteronomy).

But the biggest thing that happened since last year? Oh my, you have a SISTER! More on that in a second…..

 You and I still have that “issue”….Mom and Grandma still think something is wrong with both of us when it comes time to leave. They both thought by this time you and I would have gotten a grip on ourselves and manned up. It hasn't happened. As for me, it's not likely going to, either. I hope it does for you, though, because it may be a bit hard to explain to your friends when your 18 years old, HA HA!

Seven Years old, Rex...Time is flying, buddy—it makes this old man think too much, and that's why a lot of the time I call you Joe, so forgive me.  I know you're the Pottamus Rex. I even called your sister “Winnie” the other day.

You have been the best Brother to ‘Miss Priss’ (Georgia Rose)—the grown-ups didn't know exactly how you would take to her, but you have done great, and we are very proud of you! You don't notice but every time you walk in the room Priss will not take her eyes off of you---just remember to help look out for her and show her the way---you two are the only kids in the house, and you can't expect Mom and Dad to show her how it's supposed to be done---they are too old and have forgotten what it's like to be a kid. It’s what happens when you are a Parent. When you are a Grandparent, it changes back. Anyhow, Rex, I am counting on you to show her and explain to her as time goes by the rules---

 1)  Eliminate  bureaucracy---Ask Grandma and George first.

2)  Try to eat your supper, but if you don't, it's ok. There's always cereal, and Mom and Dad aren't about to let you go to bed hungry.

3)  She calls me George. Not anything else.

 

Happy Birthday, Reximus. I love you to the moon and back. I still have your note that says “George is my best Frend”. Here’s hoping that my best “frend” has the best Birthday ever. You sure make every day the best for me.

George

Our way of life…compliments of those who didn’t make it back-

I have spent many Memorial Days attending remembrance ceremonies over the years.

I think it is important.

I have also spent many Memorial Days enjoying what we call the American way of life-cooking out, swimming, and enjoying time with family.

I think that is important, too.

Some others may disagree with me, but I think there is no better way to honor our Fallen Comrades than by enjoying Memorial Day by all those things–cookouts, ball games, recreational activities, and being with family— Why? Even if you take advantage of that Memorial Day sale–whatever the day encompasses, as long as we understand HOW we got here–by the  blood of Americans, past and present–and as long as we are acutely aware that if we are to preserve our way of life–then not only must we remember but we must be prepared.

In today’s time, Memorial Day, Veterans Day, and Independence Day are virtually the same–and now more than ever our nation tips its cap to our Military everyday. You can’t go out to eat, walk into a store, or even pump gas in a uniform without someone thanking you.  It is extremely humbling and for me almost embarrassing because I’m nobody. Then you realize it’s not about you as much as it is the uniform and what you represent. My normal response besides “Thank You” is that “I’m just glad they allowed me the privilege to serve.”

REMEMBER–Memorial Day is about those that paid the ultimate price, those that didn’t make it back.

 We MUST remember–not just on Memorial Day, but EVERY day we wake up as Americans–and then we can enjoy our way of life.

Speaking of the American way of life, on Monday, May 26th, I will be honorary team captain for the Atlanta Braves/Boston Red Sox game at Turner Field. My “duty” is to take the lineup card to the umpire. To say I’m excited for the opportunity is a gross understatement. I love baseball and the Atlanta Braves.   My good friend, fellow Soldier, and Chaplain, Captain Leslie Nelson, offered my name. She knows I am a baseball fanatic. She is a wonderful Chaplain and brings great comfort to our Soldiers–she also helps us to remember.

So, on Memorial Day 2014, with my family in tow, we will enjoy our American way of life. It will be a great day, but I will remember it came at a high price — some of whom I studied, some I heard about, some I knew and hundreds of thousands who I never heard of but still garner the same respect. I will remember that I am only a representative to all the others, and that when someone thanks me they are thanking ALL who serve and have served…and I will thank God that I am an American.

CUTESY CUTS AND CLIPS

Forgive me, for I have sinned.

I couldn't get to my regular Barber. She closes at 5. She's the best in the business, but I got my butt in a bind and my window of opportunity for a haircut came down to this afternoon.
I realize in 3 weeks I will require another haircut and I promise to tip my REAL barber (she's the best in the business) even more due to the fact I had to forsake her loyalty. I feel like I cheated on her. Her shop is a red, white, and By-God blue barber shop. Her Uncle Billy passed and she's carrying on his legacy and starting one of her own. A haircut in a real barber shop is almost like going to church. She's the best in the business, and when she uses a combination of buzzing clippers, straight razor, hot lather, and that tingly green "man smell" on the back of my gourd, you walk out of there born again.

Alas, and woe be unto my head, this is one of those themed franchises, you know, one of those  cutesy places. Unisex, they call it. I didn't know what unisex meant, I thought it had something to do with those late night infomercials, but it means boys, girls, kids, old people--everyone but dogs-- can get a "clip" here.
Unisex is a metrosexual term that means  "I don't give a damn who cuts my hair as long as we can be cutesy."

It smells more beauty parlor-ish than barber shop. It looks like a place where one might purchase some electronics. The cutesy stadium seats, the shelf of hair care products named after some herbal plant or some character from Greek mythology do not impress me. I will give them an "OK" on the flat screen TVs, though no one in the place appeared to be watching them.
There isn't a Field and Stream or Georgia Sportsman within 10 miles of here. It's cutesy every dang thing, and had I a large ripe lemon my butt would have sucked it. In fact, typing the word "cutesy" begins the process.

The pictures on the wall are smiling young people who look like they need a haircut---and I bet my hat and ass both someone in one of the chairs back in the cutting area are using scissors that most everyone else uses to trim unsightly nostril hair. (Pause while we all wretch).

I had to sign in, like they do at the doctors offices. Unreal. I haven't smelled talcum or heard one pump of a barber chair handle or a pop of a towel.

It's all wrong, it's against the laws of nature, and when its all over I'm gonna go home and shower the cutesy off of me and become a man again.
I hate myself for getting in a predicament not getting to my real tonsorial parlor--(but the fish were biting last weekend).

I got the hairs cut. Looks like I'm going to live, but it came with a price. No talcum, no green "man smell" on the back of your head to make it tingle, just a weird beauty parlor smell and a bunch of unisex gum smacking nose hair trimmers.

As I was checking out, a dad was bringing his little boy in--he introduced his timid child to the haircutter girl as "this is Miss_____ , and she's a friend....." He then sat down in the chair, and ( bear with me I need a cleansing breath) he placed the kid IN HIS LAP while the kid got cutesyfied.

So help me, and with The Lord as my witness, my skin crawled.

John Wayne, Joe Fisher, or Pottamus Rex never ever sat in anyone's lap at a barber shop. I guess its acceptable in cutesy unisex hair emporiums.

I paid my bill post haste and skedaddled, wondering how things have gotten to this point. No talcum, no green stuff on the back of your head to make it tingle, just a weird smell and a bunch of unisex gum smacking nose hair trimmers.

We are going to hell in a cutesy handbag.

The Best "Pottamus Says" Ever!

(Note: The Pottamus Rex' real name is Christopher--Dad calls him Christopher or Chris--Let's listen in on their morning conversation in regards to the policing of The Pottamus bedroom.....


Dad: Chris, these clothes need to be put up in your drawers like I showed you..

Chris: But I can't do it without you!

Dad: Yes you can -- you're  a big boy and you need to be responsible for your own clothes and set the example for your sister of how to be responsible..

Chris: I have no idea how that makes any sense-- I'M only six years old!...

(Dad walks away trying not to injure himself laughing)

Ovaltine. Now more than ever.

Dear Hershey's;
Bottom line: Hershey's is America!  I love it and always will, just like my country and my wife and kids.

Here's the deal. The Hershey syrup is great for everything you use it for EXCEPT making chocolate milk. Better to hear it from someone who loves you. You can certainly sweeten up your milk, you can make beige or tan milk, but quite honestly trying to make chocolate milk ain't happening. If you want to put a warning label on the bottle and say NOTICE: IN CASE OF NATURAL DISASTER OR EMERGENCY IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT THIS PRODUCT CAN BE USED TO SIMULATE CHOCOLATE MILK-DRINK IN A DARK ROOM AND HOLD YOUR NOSE.
Look, guys- the syrup bottle is in the fridge, I get it...we use on ice cream and lots of other things, but the reality is that I ran out of Ovaltine and went to plan b. It made me sad, not unlike the time I tried to make a banana sandwich when I was in Iraq- one gets excited at the mere thought of it, only to have their 'over expectations' plummet to the lowest depths of depression. It will flat out make you cry is what it'll do. It'll also make you cuss.
All that to say this: Ovaltine is kicking your butt.
With all due respect to Mr. H--I am,
Sincerely yours,
George Fisher

GRANDMA IS A SISSY!

It is no big secret that my grandson, the Pottamus Rex, owns a huge chunk of my heart. It is also well known that he and I have, in the past, had "issues" when it comes time to say goodbye. As tough as I have been, and try to be, the older I have gotten the bigger creampuff I have become. I have fought it as hard as I possibly can, but most of the time the end result is snot bubbles. It's a far cry from clawing at the casket grieving wailing carry me off in a straight jacket stuff, I mean Lord have mercy, but it's still in the sentimental old fart can I have a popsicle or maybe a Large Chocolate milkshake to make it better range-in other words, its manageable. I have learned to embrace the fact I don't like it when any of my kids, and now grandkids, have to leave.

With the addition of Ms Georgia Rose Mallory, our family has expanded by two feet (I stole that from someplace)---Georgia is fast establishing herself as a force of nature much like her older brother, the Pottamus. This is evidenced by the actions of my Wifey, aka Grandma, who just spent the week with the new papoose, reveling in all that is little baby girls. She has oooo'd and ahhhh'd no less than 876 times and used the word "Precious" even more. It has left me wondering just what in the heck happened to the girl I married because this ain't her. I have never seen this much jello in my life, to include my hospital stay of two years past. Is she gushing? Does the Pope wear a pointy hat and red shoes?

Well, to conclude the visit, Wifey and the Booger, AKA Amanda, did like I USED to do, and pulled a "George" yesterday when it was time to say goodbye--Yes Sir, I saw it with my own eyes. Seems my two tuff gals messed up their mascara just a tad. These are the exact same two that roll their eyes when the Pottamus Rex and I parted ways. I could have said something smart allecky , but I knew better-Lord knows I have been there a time or two just in the past couple weeks. They were both entitled. I was just glad they weren't at each other's throats after a week. You never know with my crew.
It doesn't get any easier, but perhaps because of the new baby, The Pottamus and I are taking it to a different level. Just maybe we have turned a corner. We both grow older this year, so maybe, just maybe, we are tightening up the shot group. While the Women were carrying on, the Pottamus Rex hugged me, and then lowered his head, walking off to go back inside. He stopped and turned back around. Unable to speak, and with tears in his eyes, he tipped his cap to me. Unable to speak myself, my own eyes overflowing, I returned with my cap.
Driving away, I handed Wifey a Kleenex, almost feeling sorry for her not being able to tuff it out like the Pottamus and Me. Guess I have to show her the way.

Georgia Invades South Carolina

Dear Georgia Rose--
Welcome to Earth! Specifically, the United States of America! To be more precise, The Southeastern United States. Born in south Carolina, named Georgia, there is no way you cannot "Represent" when Elvis sings The American Trilogy--just saying. You're a triple threat already-Yay!

As it came to pass, I had just finished my 2 Yoo-Hoo (That’s a drink-you're going to love them!) lunch on Friday only to have your Grandma and Momma call me to tell me that you were arriving soon-- I drove like a bat out of you know where (well, you don't, actually, but you will hear me say this in a couple of years) to Macon (that’s in the middle of the state you were named for, and it will be your second home) dodging cars, cussing drivers (I will teach you, don't worry), and going as fast as I legally could (Your Great-Great George taught me to drive) so that I could get home to pick up your Grandma and Aunt Winnie ( really named Lyndsay when we are mad at her)--it seemed like it took forever but as it turned out we got there in plenty of time--see, there's this thing called ANXIETY that we all had trying to get to the hospital--and inasmuch as its four hours driving time from where we were to where you were arriving, quite honestly, all the pork skins in the world (this is a snack that goes great with Yoo-Hoo) couldn’t relieve our anxiety.

Do you know, young lady, what anxiety does? 

Well, besides making you drive fast, talk obnoxiously loud, and call everyone of your mobile phone contacts ( Aunt Winnie says "hollah!")-- it made us realize God was in control, laughing hysterically at us as we ran around like idiots. In the case of your Uncle Joe, he called every ten minutes non-stop for 19 and 2/3rds hours. First Grandma, then Me, Then Aunt Winz, then repeated the process. I thanked him profusely for the wakeup call at 0330 hours on Saturday). You don’t know this but every family has a crazy Uncle in it. Joe is yours.

The anxiety continued while we worried about how Momma and you were doing when the birthing baby process ("I don’t know nothing 'bout birthing no babies") ; but I was fortunate enough to observe all this firsthand while your brother and I held vigil (that means waiting with no good magazines to read) in the waiting room --the excitement, the worry, the stress, the laughter, and finally you arrived! Grandma sent a picture to Aunt Winnies phone, then a few minutes later burst through the doors proclaiming for the entire city of Beaufort and nearby Ladys Island to hear, "PRECIOUS!"... 

So, now you are here and have taken your place in the family--another "spitfire of a girl", if you will allow me to quote John Wayne (and you will)--and you now join the ranks of the other ladies in the family--I won't explain any more of this because I'm not qualified, but just know that Momma and the other ladies will ensure that number 1, you are Southern girl, and #2, you won't take any guff (there's another word to use but you will learn that later) off of any man. Speaking of Men, there are two of them you should be aware of--one is your Daddy, and the other one is the Pottamus Rex. You will know Daddy because he is the one strutting all around like a peacock. He is quite proud of you and with good reason. The Pottamus will be the one picking your pacifier up off the floor and poking it back in your mouth. He is also a force of nature but more on that later. If you need anything , they will be there in a nanosecond, and even faster if your Momma has anything to do with it. 

Perhaps you were named after a State, a University, a Song, or maybe even a crazy old man who thinks YOU, along with your Big Brother, are the cats pajamas. Regardless, thanks for showing up and putting a smile on our face that only a mortician can remove. We all took a vote and decided you're a keeper.

Hope you enjoy living, laughing, and loving as much as we do. Don’t worry about a thing, Me and Grandma got your back.

Love,
George

P.S. I apologize for Grandma in advance. She wasn’t like this when I married her. I know, I know. I'm rolling my eyes, too. But its HER world, and we just live in it.

Hurts too Much to Laugh

Once upon a time there was a little boy who loved to go to his grandparents house. 

In fact, he spent nearly every weekend over there. It was the greatest place in the universe.  

One day, he was playing Superman--or maybe it was Batman & Robin-- either way, he had a towel safety pinned around his neck and was having a great time fighting the bad guys and flying thru the house, making super human leaps over the floor furnace in a single bound. As he flew thru the house, he pulled up in front of his grandmas bedroom window and saw his parents car pulling in the driveway. He immediately ceased being a Superhero and ran to his grandmother as fast as he could, crying all the way until she had him wrapped up in her apron--or maybe the blue dress with the big white buttons, his favorite--either way, he was at Grandmas house, which was the best place in the universe.

She knew why he was crying; it was time to go home. There had been many weekends just like this, and each time it snuck up on the little boy because he loved his grandma and being at her house so much-- why, quite naturally, it stood to reason that anyone else in his position would cry when they left. How could they NOT?

And so it would come to pass, tears, hugs, and the promise of next weekend. For the little boy it may as well have been forever, because that's what it felt like. He would look out the back window, tears burning his eyes, and wave to his grandma--and wait patiently until the next weekend--well, as  patiently as a little boy of 3--or 4--or maybe 5--could be expected to wait. 

It is nearly 50 years later. A little boy has a great time on a weekend with his grandparents and is very sad when they get ready to leave. Like the previous two weekends, the time snuck up on him and he saw them heading to the car in the driveway, packing to leave. His Momma tells him to come tell them goodbye. A moment before he was being a Superhero--Spiderman--or maybe Iron Man or Captain America--either way he was having a great time on his bicycle. His Grandparents hug him and tell him they will see him soon. 

The Grandfather begins to cry. Why, quite naturally, it stood to reason that anyone else in his position would cry when they left. How could they NOT? He now understands his own grandparents must have felt this way, too. His eyes burn as he looks out the window at his bestest little buddy. 

The Momma rolls her eyes. The grandma rolls her eyes. Grandfather and grandson wipe their eyes. A popsicle for the grandson, a cherry coke and bag of pork rinds for the grandfather. Their pain eases for the time being....   

And as it comes to pass, I will wait patiently for the next weekend--well, as patiently as a man of 50--or 51 looking at 52--is expected to wait. 

It already feels like forever.