Thursday, December 3, 2009

I'm the only hell my Grandma ever raised..

Did mention that I WORSHIPPED my Grandma?

Today is my Grandmas birthday-December 3rd, and not a day goes by that I don't think of her. My oldest daughter and first child Amanda was named after her. My Grandmother meant so much to me that I have evaluated all other Grandmas I have known or met by some of the following guidelines--

-Some of the intangibles about being a good Grandma-- (JUST SOME)

-Carry chewing gum in your purse (Dentyne or Juicy Fruit)

-Always carry purse with straps held at the bend in arm

-Don't have false teeth-this scares the bejeezus out of grand kids

-Tobacco and alcohol forbidden

-Only say "HELL" when answering the question of how you feel after a radical
Mastectomy for breast cancer in 1971

-Take your grand kids to the train station downtown to watch the Nancy Hanks come in-huddle them in your long coat and make sure co-cola in the little glass bottle and toms peanuts are served.

-Take them to wherever they want to go eat after church, even if it means leaving after Sunday school and skipping the big service in the sanctuary

-Have water in a clear bottle in the fridge, not an old Prune Juice
bottle (my other grandma did that—she also pinched snuff and had false teeth--I remain traumatized by it all)

- Cook Fried Chicken at least three times a week because its Little Georges favorite

-Cook everything with the secret ingredient—LOVE

-give grandson a dime to help you wash dishes-take to Bills book store and let him buy a dollars worth with his dime

-when he has the mumps and cries when it hurts, take him in your arms and hug him until he quits crying (it worked-I ain't had the mumps since)

when sick, deliver to Grandmas house and put on couch for
4-6 hrs-spoil as necessary, then send home MIRACULOUSLY cured

-Wear the blue dress with the big white plastic buttons—it’s his favorite

-teach him how to sew, he will be thankful when 30 years later his wife needs a button sewn on her blouse.

- let him help in the kitchen and ask many bothersome questions-it will last
a lifetime and his favorite room in the house will always be the kitchen

-act surprised when he throws the quarter in the bed for the "magic fingers"


-don't be surprised that he brings all his dates to meet you first

there's more---but it has me about to cry right now---

1 comment:

Carolyn Smiley said...

Grandma sounds like a lovely lady. One of my Grandma's also pinched snuff, but that wasn't what traumatized me........it was watching her chop off a chickens head and seeing it flop around running headless! Then she served it for dinner.................