Dear AARP;
I will put this as succinctly and as clear as I can---
Leave. Me. Alone.
Turning 50 was traumatic enough without your constant dagger twisting mailings to me to remind me that I am not 19 anymore--I got that, honest I do. I am nifty 50, blah blah blah. I am reminded each morning at approximately 0230 that I am "old", thankyouverymuch-- however, I'd rather deal with peeing in the middle of the night than to receive one more piece of your terroristic threatening junk mail that you keep the Postal service in business with delivering to my mailbox.
I do not need your rubbish. I didn’t request it, and I am not about to join your group. Not now, not ever, even if I live to be 100. You may think I have something against Senior Citizens.
Nope. I love 'em.
They are awesome and they should be running our nation. The only time I take issue with them is on Wednesdays at the grocery store--That is Senior Citizen discount day and they are hell on wheels and will leave you for dead on aisle 3 next to the high fiber cereal section.
Look, here's the deal.
It's not about you political views, your stance on gun control, health care, or any of the other things I read about--I couldn’t care less about what AARP thinks. What I find most offensive about "you people" is the ads you have in your magazine--If we were to subscribe to your Goebellistic manifesto of doo-doo we would all be wearing shoes with those Velcro closures, over the calf support hose for our varicose veins, and "kicking it old school" in those rascal scooters while wearing the most comfortable catheter ever (that fits easily into your pocket).
Deliver me.
You people give me serious butt ache and make my prostate hurt. You can take your AARP and stick three more letters to the end of it (use velcro)---KMA.
I will decide when and on whose terms I become a Senior citizen, not you clowns. If you need to reach me I will be on my John Deere riding mower with 24 inch cut listening to "Boogie Chillun" so loud my ears bleed.
You can sign me,
Fifty and needing no Velcro--
George L. Fisher
The Life and Times of a slightly crazed Middle Aged Georgia Boy who believes in Duty, Honor, Country, Red White and Blue, PBJs on white bread, and all things Southern.
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