EWEWANHAPPACHABE?!?

I was of town so didn’t get to my regular Barber.

No sweat, Military town, barber shops all over the place.

Go into a place, 6 chairs, no waiting.

Fall in on a chair, older oriental lady standing by.

I sit down, get the sheet wrapped around me And said "howyoulike?"

"Skin on the sides, por favor", I reply.

"EWE WANH HIGHFAY,MEDIAFAY,LOWFAY?" (translation: you want a High Fade, Medium Fade, or Low Fade?)

I point halfway up the side of my head, an inch above my ear- "Here Fay", I say.

"And my barber at home normally shaves the sides", I fay-- I mean, say.

With clippers abuzz, she descends upon my occipital like a swarm of locusts.

In another thirty seconds, she has lathered the sides of my freshly shorn scalp and shaving it smooth as my grandsons bottom. I'm seriously feeling like Elmer Fudd in the Bugs Bunny version of Barber of Seville.

She works at lightning speed and I am fearful that I will be bleeding soon---my head isn’t exactly the shape of an egg and has several areas where you have to run the speed limit.

This lady works faster than the guy on tv selling the Ginsu knives--schwing, schwing, schwing.. I make it thru no problem--my fear transforms to amazement.

What normally takes 30 minutes in the barber shop at home has taken all of 5 minutes here.

This place is a tonsorial production line.

"EWE WANH APPA-CHABE??" she asks?

"Maam?" says I.

"APPA-CHABE, EWE WANH APPA-CHABE?"

Er, uh, umm, what I really like is for you to speak Engrish, I mean English, I think to myself.

After two attempts when I don’t understand what someone is saying I default to the smile and nod--I am deaf but this is more about enunciation than my eardrums--

It’s a cultural thing and that’s ok. But I can hear better when its English.

What on earth could Appa-Chabe be? A rock band? A breakfast cereal? A U.S. run military prison in war torn Afghanistan?

Or perhaps was it an old classic movie once, "The Road to Appa Chabe", starring Peter O'Toole and David Niven?

I took the bait. "Sure", I reply.

It was... After shave. {The math :[ EWE WANH APPA-CHABE = Do you want After Shave?] }

She splashes some AFTER SHAVE on a napkin and rubs it around my head.

I am spring fresh.

I am coiffed.

I am anew.

And I learned some new Phrases if I ever go to Korea. "APPA CHABE". It's my new scent--and It's not just for breakfast anymore.