Saturday, October 30, 2010

Kitchen Pass Chronicles--"Even the Losers" edition

Before we count down the top ten items that I (we) learned this past weekend,

it is important that I set the stage first by introducing the cast….

Clint Grant- He and I played little league together and we shared the same

love of airplanes- Proclaimed out loud one night while we listened to Lynyrd

Skynyrd on the Stereo "WHY'D they have to die??" Clint is a pilot, College

teacher, and now has spent more time in Texas than Georgia-no matter, he is

still ours and he knows it. Clint is our "A" player and leads discussions in

the ongoing conquest for golf greatness. He is the kind of guy who laughs at

you after you just wrecked your car. He finds the humor in everything,

especially my inability to swing a club. It was his idea to have this reunion

and make it an annual requirement.

Steve Sides- The epitome of cool-total athlete and still performs as same.

Was our star High School Baseball pitcher-bring the heat...he also brought

the heat at Godfathers Pizza back in the day working the stove and

administering to the "pies"--he still has the burn scars to prove it-- Had

beer caps on his stereo where the volume and station adjustment knobs were—a

visionary--and was instrumental in our first ever case of longneck Budweisers

when longnecks were the “deal”. Man knows his rock and roll like none other.

Grew up down the street from the BIG HOUSE, where the Allman Brothers lived

in Macon. He gave our fearless foursome the moniker of “THE CORE”. Looks like

Harrison Ford.

James Randy Hatcher- the 220 pound Swiss army knife-he is all of Popeils

inventions in one complete package-mechanical and culinary engineer that can

fix, rig, field dress, or cook anything. Only caveat is it takes a big pickup

truck for Randall and his basic load of survival gear. That MacGyver dude?

Don't even. If I'm shipwrecked on a desert island and want to get home I'm

taking Randy--(of course if I'm on a desert island and I don't want to leave,

well….. that's another story for another day) begins most sentences with

“Soooonnnnnn” and calls everyone “Hoss”, unless it’s a female, which usually

gets “Darlin” and a “I’m going to be in town a couple of days and……” (Well,

that part isn’t true, I just threw that in because….) Clint says Randy would

make the perfect wife if sex weren’t a consideration.

George Fisher-Inherently born smart ass. The little dog that starts the

fight. All mouth and “noassatall”-makes constant references to John Wayne.

Limps, takes meds, and the first one to call it a night. Destin was his pick,

though, so the others keep him around for laughs.

The Setting: Destin, Florida. It’s 30 years since our “Glory Days” and we

embark on a weekend to show ‘em all we still got it. Lodging and tee times

pre-arranged, and we all fall in by the close of business Thursday evening.

It is our charter to cram as much of the old days into the next 36 hours as

possible, as long as we get three square meals, maintain our regularity, and

get 8 hours uninterrupted sleep.

One thing that is sure to happen when we get together is a fun time-we laugh

until our sides ache busting on each other with the "stuff" we used to do—

SO, as we took inventory of our weekend, these are the things we learned….

10) Never ask a teenager where to get a good steak--(TGI Fridays ain’t the

answer)

9) Lubricate your joints with a Bloody Mary after breakfast. Take with 2

Aleve.

8) Always be on time and maintain the appropriate rate of play lest you get

placed on double secret probation by the marshal/time keeper.

Clint, Steve, Randy, George, (in unison): “ARE WE RUNNING BEHIND?”

Time Marshall: "VERY..."

7) If you groan in agony at the same time your clubface strikes the ball it

won't do any good-your ball is still bound for the twilight zone. All 4 of us

concur to this axiom. It is, therefore--a fact. (Core concurrence by a

majority vote automatically becomes fact—you can look it up in the Core

charter.)

6) Using “Body English” to get your putt in the hole will hurt you---it isn't

covered by most health providers, so buyer beware. For what it’s worth,

Profanity doesn’t help much, either.

5) When at McGuire’s Irish Pub in Destin don't engage in too much

conversation with the singer lest you end up "kissing the moose"- (A huge

taxidermed moose head that serves in lieu of a Blarney stone)-several others

did it because they were singled out for their birthdays-I was singled out

because of my big mouth (and perhaps because of my three pals)…

4) I never actually pulled any "G"s in a golf cart until Randy was at the

wheel-what surprises me is that that surprised me. Check with your flight

surgeon ahead of time. Driving with Hatch should come with the same standards

as if flying for the Thunderbirds.

3) Air guitar like no ones watching--We still got it--Friday night Steve

cranked his stereo and we ran the gamut of all the classics-singing along and

air guitaring all the while—it is of particular note that we all excelled

when Tom Petty’s Even the Losers and Here Comes my girl were played---the

biggest difference from this time and 30 years ago is we didn't jump around

(Someone could have gotten hurt) , and no one threw up.

.

2) When enjoying a post golf break at Fisherman’s Wharf, enjoy the boats-our

middle age kicked in as we all started saying what we would do if we won the

lottery and the boats we would have with said winnings. A Blood oath was

administered on site and it is now “binding”.

1) and the number one thing…….We learned that while each subtle degree of

variance in regards to the clubface and the strike of the ball will affect

your golf game ---a weekend getaway with your high school buddies will

reaffirm your beliefs in what is really important and unimportant on this

planet--family, friends, good times and making memories is what will keep our

batteries charged for years to come...or until we meet again.

EPILOGUE: We remain steadfast and ubiquitous (I just looked that up in the

Thesaurus, replacing “omnipresent”---ain’t that cool?) as we approach the

half century mark—we are comfortably and confidently nestled somewhere

between ‘hugging the porcelain queen” and the “Flomax” commercial- we are no

longer juveniles and not quite geriatric –alas, we are still rockin’.

That's how we roll. We are Confident. We are Content. We are Comfortable.

We are THE CORE.

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