ME:I got news for you..We shall call him SUPPER if you think we are getting a dang pig..
SHE: Him needs a home.
We have lots o land.
He is adorable. I want him
I always get what I want.
ME: NO! (as if...)
And I mean it like I ain't ever meant NO before.
SHE: NO means yes... isn't that what you always say?
ME: That only applies to Sex.
Not for pigs.
knucklehead---I'm mad with you--you have lost your mind- have you changed your tobacco habit for cannabis?
SHE: Why would you be mad at me?
How would a little miniature pig be a detriment to your life?
ME: Not less than 2 weeks ago both you and the Booger (Amanda) were about to have a s**t hemorrhage about Pottamus keeping the turtle, yet you turn around and somehow between bong tokes you have had your compassionate heart melted by a pig that needs adopting?
Do you not know what pigs would do to your yard?
Do you not understand we aren't ABOUT to have livestock or anything else that requires a "pen" out at our house?
Do you not understand that you have three worthless dogs already, 2 of whom aren't housebroken?
Do you NOT understand that pork is the OTHER white meat?
No, ma'am, a little pig, in and of itself, would not be a detriment to my life. However, a wife, evidently one who has started smoking crack, would be. She would also have hell to pay if she brought a young piglet to Beaver Oaks. Step away from the crack pipe, Ma'am.
SHE:
1. I didn't say anything about the turtle other than keeping a 9" turtle in an aquarium 1 foot by 3 foot was borderline abuse.
2. It’s not pigs it is WILBUR. And what it would do to what yard? I ain't putting him in the front yard. He will have a pen. He can tear up everything he wants in his pen. (JUST THINK... THAT MUCH LESS YOU HAVE TO CUT.)
3. It’s not LIVESTOCK. It’s Fisherstock and his name is WILBUR. Would you turn away Jesus if he came to you looking for a place to stay?
4. A pen, that YOU will build with your own hands from your heart.
5. The other white meat?? Did you not see the picture? he is of multi-ethnicity. Black and White. Ebony and Ivory. Paul McCartney and Michael Jackson. It’s what America is founded on.
You are delusional. I am not smoking crack. I want to spread love. You know like Sarah McLachlan sings about.
ME: Go get one of your urinalysis kits and test yourself for being positive for whatever the h--- it is you are smoking.You are delusional, impractical, fanatical, maniacal, and at this point, must have peed your pants; because if you think for one solitary nanosecond that we are adopting a swine pork pig, aka " Sus scrofa domesticus" then you are mistaken, aka "fullimus excrementus"...............
SHE: Whatever. Again, I didn't ask permission.
There is nothing wrong with having a pet pig.
And Pootie would LOVE it!
ME: There you go invoking the "P" word...
Pigs have been known to attack people. (this fact from being attacked myself Memorial day weekend, 2000)
SHE: They attack people who look at them like barbecue.
WILBUR is sweet. He just hangs out. Eats dog food.
I don't need your permission.
ME: No, and there's a lot of other things you don't need… (in one final act of defiance)
Bring that d--- pig home and you're going to find out what those are too.
WHAT WILL HAPPEN…….WILL LA CASA de PESCADOR become CASA de VIVR CERDOS, or WORSE? Will George stock up on Charcoal and barbeque sauce on the way home from work?
Stay tuned for tomorrows exciting installment….
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